Blow off the search party, I was in myself all the time.
We all have it, the inner light that’s just waiting to take us home, and sometimes the universe turns off all the other lights, leaving us with nothing else
is left to find as our own light. Do you know that?
It was definitely like that for me! As long as I can think back, I knew deep down that I was here for a reason. I always knew I had a purpose, a calling, but the whole thing put me under incredible pressure. For a long time it felt like I was walking around with a huge load on my shoulders. I felt like I needed to do something important and ran out of time.
Are you sure you know the feeling when you have to do a certain job or task over the weekend and don’t calm down until it’s done?
I had this feeling all the time. As if there was something I had forgotten. A soft whisper that I didn’t understand. That feeling gnawed at me: it was there when I went to sleep, it was there when I woke up in the middle of the night, and it was there when I got up in the morning.
I had spent most of my life looking for answers outside of myself. I reached for everything I could get my hands on to relieve that subtle feeling of pain, longing and desire, and to stifle my soul’s call that told me I was missing something. That there was or had to be something else.
I sought refuge in relationships, careers, travel, food, alcohol, and nightlife, but none of them really satisfied me. I traveled to the end of the world to find something that I just couldn’t name …
I pushed, exerted, and controlled instead of listening, trusting, and allowing. It had to collapse my whole life before I realized that everything I was looking for was already within me.
My soul had always called for me. I was just looking in the wrong direction.